You act as if I say these things to hear myself speak. You act as if I'm wrong when I'm most likely right. You wouldn't be willing to correct me anyway. You're carrying around so much negativity inside of you and you think you're okay. You say it doesn't concern me when it 100% does. You act as if I'm not trying to help you. Trying to tell you that you need to let it go and let yourself live. And breathe and be okay. That was then and this is now. You're stuck and if you don't want to help yourself you'll always be stuck. Open yourself up and let things happen, let them naturally progress as they're supposed to. I know it takes a lot of effort to carry around all of these burdens and weight with you. Deflecting, hiding, rudeness all of that is an obvious sign that you aren't okay. You're scared and that's fine, but there comes a point when you have to jump off the edge and LET IT GO. At the rate you're going I won't even want to be friends with you because of your negativity. It's clear that you have a multitude of problems to deal with, but if you don't want to grow up and deal with them it's going to continue to hurt you now and in the future.
You're immediate reaction is to overreact and get angry instead of actually talking. Nothing will be achieved if you don't let yourself talk about it. You act as if you can speak to me any kind of way. What you fail to see is the things that happened to you before have nothing to do with the person I am. But what it does have to do with is the person you are and the way you act. It isn't my fault that you don't want to admit things to yourself. If and when you do I'm sure you'll be a better person for it.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Friday, July 23, 2010
Oh.
I can't believe how much time has passed. Sometimes i wonder when everything changed. Who we were, who we are, who we will be. The past is the past and what happened there will never change. At some point in time we meant something great to one another. You experience things with certain people and you just assume at the time that nothing will change, but life doesn't work that way, does it? Maybe that's a good thing. I'll always think about the people I've lost, but I don't dwell. There's no point in that. It's getting late, but the thoughts don't stray.
"Glad for what we've got, done with what we've lost, our whole lives laid out, right in front of us."
"Glad for what we've got, done with what we've lost, our whole lives laid out, right in front of us."
Monday, June 28, 2010
Um.
Dear Undisclosed Person #3,
Wow you must be incredibly thick. Must is the wrong word, you ARE incredibly thick. How much more obvious can a person get about something like this? Clearly not obvious enough. You say we're "really good friends" but I'm finding that hard to believe as of late, because if we were and if you really cared about me at all, you would've told me about your girlfriend. I thought we were close too, but looks like I may have been mistaken. I am glad that you know I won't be wasting my time to visit you because I'm not one to put myself in awkward & uncomfortable situations. Not like you even deserve to see me after all this. Once you learn how to communicate with people better, maybe we'll be alright. You just really know how to fuck things up.
Wow you must be incredibly thick. Must is the wrong word, you ARE incredibly thick. How much more obvious can a person get about something like this? Clearly not obvious enough. You say we're "really good friends" but I'm finding that hard to believe as of late, because if we were and if you really cared about me at all, you would've told me about your girlfriend. I thought we were close too, but looks like I may have been mistaken. I am glad that you know I won't be wasting my time to visit you because I'm not one to put myself in awkward & uncomfortable situations. Not like you even deserve to see me after all this. Once you learn how to communicate with people better, maybe we'll be alright. You just really know how to fuck things up.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Not one bit.
Dear Undisclosed Persons,
Person #1. I'm sorry I don't feel the same way about you. But the thing you may not understand is that I've been where you are SO many times. It feels as though you're ignoring me now and I wish that we could talk about it, it hurts me that it seems like you're shutting me out and I want to believe that's not the truth. I know it hurts, I've felt it, but all I want is for us to continue to be friends, because we're good as that.
Person #2 We cuddled. whatever. It's not a big deal. It'd be cool if we could hang out, but it honestly doesn't matter. It won't be the end of the world to me if you're not interested. I'm too old for all this.
Person #1. I'm sorry I don't feel the same way about you. But the thing you may not understand is that I've been where you are SO many times. It feels as though you're ignoring me now and I wish that we could talk about it, it hurts me that it seems like you're shutting me out and I want to believe that's not the truth. I know it hurts, I've felt it, but all I want is for us to continue to be friends, because we're good as that.
Person #2 We cuddled. whatever. It's not a big deal. It'd be cool if we could hang out, but it honestly doesn't matter. It won't be the end of the world to me if you're not interested. I'm too old for all this.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Oh the summertime.
C-Ville.
So I stayed the night because SW asked us too. I sat on your lap and we talked. We played with leaves for like 15 minutes, I love the fact that you're also entertained by the little things in life. You're super nice and not to mention adorable. But knowing my luck & track record it'll be a passing thing. Hopefully not though. & hopefully you're not crazy!
& gee everyone, BUT you asked me to cuddle with them. I ignore their requests and try to figure out how I'll get the ending I want.
SW, you and I are all in this tiny bed for our slumber party deciding if this is a good idea. When SW tells us he's going to the couch, I'm having a Laura Linney Love Actually moment.
I turn towards the wall & wait. Nothing happens, I'm a bit disappointed.
BUT THEN you pull me over & put your arm around me & we hold hands until we wake.
All in all my hand was a bit numb & my back hurt a little, but it was all worth it.
My wish on an airplane came true.
23 June
After a walk in the woods, we're sitting on a log and you ask to kiss me.
Sorry, but I don't think of you that way.
Apparently I've got WOMS. (Thanks JEM)
So I stayed the night because SW asked us too. I sat on your lap and we talked. We played with leaves for like 15 minutes, I love the fact that you're also entertained by the little things in life. You're super nice and not to mention adorable. But knowing my luck & track record it'll be a passing thing. Hopefully not though. & hopefully you're not crazy!
& gee everyone, BUT you asked me to cuddle with them. I ignore their requests and try to figure out how I'll get the ending I want.
SW, you and I are all in this tiny bed for our slumber party deciding if this is a good idea. When SW tells us he's going to the couch, I'm having a Laura Linney Love Actually moment.
I turn towards the wall & wait. Nothing happens, I'm a bit disappointed.
BUT THEN you pull me over & put your arm around me & we hold hands until we wake.
All in all my hand was a bit numb & my back hurt a little, but it was all worth it.
My wish on an airplane came true.
23 June
After a walk in the woods, we're sitting on a log and you ask to kiss me.
Sorry, but I don't think of you that way.
Apparently I've got WOMS. (Thanks JEM)
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Hey you there.
summer: It's funny how four days can feel like a lifetime. Four days where everything can change. We were together and that was it. It was all of us and nothing else mattered. Do you ever think about that time? How perfect it was? I do now and then and I wonder, what would've been if things were different.
winter: You asked me what inspired me to make you a CD, I replied: I just make mixes for people. When really it's I've had a slight crush on you since we met three years ago and you're definitely going to figure it out now. You told me that you're so excited to listen to it and that you'll have to make me one back and then I ran away.
spring: so I wrote you this letter, number three (not including your birthday card) explaining my feelings about what happened over your birthday weekend. I want to talk about it, but I don't want to bring it up. nowadays it seems like we'll probably never talk about it. even though it lingers in the back of my mind. you and I both know there's an elephant in the room. who's going to be the first to tell him to move or get out?
winter: You asked me what inspired me to make you a CD, I replied: I just make mixes for people. When really it's I've had a slight crush on you since we met three years ago and you're definitely going to figure it out now. You told me that you're so excited to listen to it and that you'll have to make me one back and then I ran away.
spring: so I wrote you this letter, number three (not including your birthday card) explaining my feelings about what happened over your birthday weekend. I want to talk about it, but I don't want to bring it up. nowadays it seems like we'll probably never talk about it. even though it lingers in the back of my mind. you and I both know there's an elephant in the room. who's going to be the first to tell him to move or get out?
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
BOYS
01. CPR,
I knew from the moment I meant you, something had changed. You brought a fire into my life that I didn’t know I needed. I know everything about you and I feel like I’ve known you forever. Nothing will ever change that, even if we have our squabbles now and then, even though they’re never THAT bad you mean the world to me. And simple moments like holding hands and listening to music in your bed make my life what it is and I cherish that. You’ve seen and know every bit of me and I couldn’t imagine life without you. Commiserating with you is the best& I’m glad that we’re usually on the same page. & I do think we could live together, I was just under bad influences when I said we couldn’t. (& I’m sorry for getting ahead of myself before putting you first, I went a bit crazy & lost myself in the process) As long as you don’t lick your bowl. :)
02. LGT
You are without a doubt one of the best people I’ve ever met in my entire life. You’ve gone through so much and you’re such an amazing selfless person and I’m extremely glad to have met you. My mom still wants us to be together . I can’t thank you for the numerous times you’ve helped me out and been there for me. I will always be there for you whenever you need something you can always count on me. Always.
03. NPR,
We’ve known each other for a little over 10 years now and you were one of the first friends I made when I moved here. You meant so much to me then and you still do now even though we don’t talk to each other at all anymore. I don’t know why it is or how it happened, it just seems like you moved on and I wasn’t so important to you anymore. It’s like your new life means everything and I’m just left in the dust. I’m always the one to try and talk to you and contact you first and I wish it wasn’t like that. I miss you and me, I miss everything and I wish that you felt the same way; I wish you thought about me the way I think about you. I know that we’ll know each other for our whole lives and there are memories we have together that will never be replaced. Like the fact that you were my first kiss on that cold Halloween night when we were 14 years old. I was wearing my homecoming dress and the streetlights were dull as we stopped to talk for a bit. Katey urged you to just do it and I was a bit nervous, but I knew it’d be okay because it was you. And I’d like to think that night brought us closer, but maybe it was the last day of third grade when you chased me on the desks. It’s 2:57am and this is what I stay up late thinking about, while watching horror movies of course. I find myself thinking I wish things could go back to the way they were and I know they can’t and never will, but I wish some of what we had could come back. I feel like I'm not the type of person you want to be around anymore and that hurts. I'll always be there for you if you ever needed me and I'll always be waiting on that blanket you promised me all those years ago.
04. CR,
I can't wait until you get back from France because I missed you and you're always going to be special to me, you played a big part in who I am today and I'm so glad for that. That summer. :) & I want to hear all about your adventures.
05.PKM
Even though we’ve had our fights here and there I’m glad that we always come out of it okay and that we’re able to talk to each other about our issues like adults. We’ve known each other for such a long time and we’ve definitely matured. I love having our late night chats in the car. SKINNY JEANS!
07. MH,
From the moment we met we had this connection, like we’d known each other before. You understand me so well and it’s wild how we’re on the same page. We haven’t known each other for that long, but it feels like it’s been ages. & I love an instant connection. I know we’ll be friends forever, including the next life hehe.
08. JC
I kind of think you’re perfect. You’re funny, smart, cool, talented, cute, and everything in between. I would never tell you this to your face because you’re the type of person I’ll probably never be with. Maybe in 10 years when we’re 30, I’ll tell you all about it.
09. CP
There are so many things left unsaid, I left, I came back and I wanted us to be friends. It was sort of working and then you left without a word. (I'll never tell you that I knew something was different the night I found out you left. I felt it and I thought of you and I was right) It kind of hurt me because I still wanted to talk to you and hang out and get to a point where we’d be cool with each other. I mean I know we sort of were, but we didn’t have a lot of time to figure it all out. I would’ve liked to, maybe one day, but who really knows? Even though you think you're a complete & total asshole, which you can be, there are good qualities about you and I think you're afraid to see that and break out of the mold you've been put into. You can be a better person, who you are now doesn't have to be the end all be all. You'll get older and hopefully you'll realize that and if so I'd like to be there to see it.
I knew from the moment I meant you, something had changed. You brought a fire into my life that I didn’t know I needed. I know everything about you and I feel like I’ve known you forever. Nothing will ever change that, even if we have our squabbles now and then, even though they’re never THAT bad you mean the world to me. And simple moments like holding hands and listening to music in your bed make my life what it is and I cherish that. You’ve seen and know every bit of me and I couldn’t imagine life without you. Commiserating with you is the best& I’m glad that we’re usually on the same page. & I do think we could live together, I was just under bad influences when I said we couldn’t. (& I’m sorry for getting ahead of myself before putting you first, I went a bit crazy & lost myself in the process) As long as you don’t lick your bowl. :)
02. LGT
You are without a doubt one of the best people I’ve ever met in my entire life. You’ve gone through so much and you’re such an amazing selfless person and I’m extremely glad to have met you. My mom still wants us to be together . I can’t thank you for the numerous times you’ve helped me out and been there for me. I will always be there for you whenever you need something you can always count on me. Always.
03. NPR,
We’ve known each other for a little over 10 years now and you were one of the first friends I made when I moved here. You meant so much to me then and you still do now even though we don’t talk to each other at all anymore. I don’t know why it is or how it happened, it just seems like you moved on and I wasn’t so important to you anymore. It’s like your new life means everything and I’m just left in the dust. I’m always the one to try and talk to you and contact you first and I wish it wasn’t like that. I miss you and me, I miss everything and I wish that you felt the same way; I wish you thought about me the way I think about you. I know that we’ll know each other for our whole lives and there are memories we have together that will never be replaced. Like the fact that you were my first kiss on that cold Halloween night when we were 14 years old. I was wearing my homecoming dress and the streetlights were dull as we stopped to talk for a bit. Katey urged you to just do it and I was a bit nervous, but I knew it’d be okay because it was you. And I’d like to think that night brought us closer, but maybe it was the last day of third grade when you chased me on the desks. It’s 2:57am and this is what I stay up late thinking about, while watching horror movies of course. I find myself thinking I wish things could go back to the way they were and I know they can’t and never will, but I wish some of what we had could come back. I feel like I'm not the type of person you want to be around anymore and that hurts. I'll always be there for you if you ever needed me and I'll always be waiting on that blanket you promised me all those years ago.
04. CR,
I can't wait until you get back from France because I missed you and you're always going to be special to me, you played a big part in who I am today and I'm so glad for that. That summer. :) & I want to hear all about your adventures.
05.PKM
Even though we’ve had our fights here and there I’m glad that we always come out of it okay and that we’re able to talk to each other about our issues like adults. We’ve known each other for such a long time and we’ve definitely matured. I love having our late night chats in the car. SKINNY JEANS!
07. MH,
From the moment we met we had this connection, like we’d known each other before. You understand me so well and it’s wild how we’re on the same page. We haven’t known each other for that long, but it feels like it’s been ages. & I love an instant connection. I know we’ll be friends forever, including the next life hehe.
08. JC
I kind of think you’re perfect. You’re funny, smart, cool, talented, cute, and everything in between. I would never tell you this to your face because you’re the type of person I’ll probably never be with. Maybe in 10 years when we’re 30, I’ll tell you all about it.
09. CP
There are so many things left unsaid, I left, I came back and I wanted us to be friends. It was sort of working and then you left without a word. (I'll never tell you that I knew something was different the night I found out you left. I felt it and I thought of you and I was right) It kind of hurt me because I still wanted to talk to you and hang out and get to a point where we’d be cool with each other. I mean I know we sort of were, but we didn’t have a lot of time to figure it all out. I would’ve liked to, maybe one day, but who really knows? Even though you think you're a complete & total asshole, which you can be, there are good qualities about you and I think you're afraid to see that and break out of the mold you've been put into. You can be a better person, who you are now doesn't have to be the end all be all. You'll get older and hopefully you'll realize that and if so I'd like to be there to see it.
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